Clear and Protect Your Energy
It struck me recently that I expend so much of my energy trying to manage other peoples feelings. I don’t mean being sensitive to other people’s needs, but empathically feeling other people’s feelings and then adjusting my behavior to soothe them. Emotional entanglement is unavoidable, we are all wired to be aware of other people’s emotional states which can make it hard to stay focused on your own goals. That’s why it’s important to practice clearing and protecting your energy.
Why does it matter?
This kind of managing other people’s feelings could be confused with being a people pleaser, but it’s different than just trying to make everyone happy. It is more of an energetic team building. It’s an unconscious desire for harmony and energetic resonance, kind of like an energetic HVAC system. Cats often perform this function, seeking you out at times of emotional distress or disease and helping to filter that emotion for you.
It is exhausting! Essentially your mental focus (processing) is slowed and your battery is depleted because this app is constantly running in the background. It’s part of why we need time to ourselves to recover our energy. When we are hyper-vigilant to what others are feeling we lose focus on how we feel and what we are trying to accomplish. It can become impossible to make decisions and think clearly. Here is a typical example of what this can look like:
I propose an idea at work and it gets mixed review from my coworkers. I can sense that some people are supportive and others, could be feeling upstaged or undervalued. Two things are happening simultaneously. 1. I am consciously engaging to explain my idea to my coworkers logically and clearly. 2. I am unconsciously working to comprehend the emotional reaction of my coworkers at an energetic level.
Rather than staying solely focused on clearly presenting my idea, my energy is drawn away from me. I walk away exhausted, like I was run over by a bulldozer and worse than that no one understood what I was trying to explain.
How to break the pattern
You can break this frustrating cycle. Here are some things you can do when you realize that you are attempting to manage other people’s feelings.
1. Recognize the pattern. Simply acknowledging that this is happening is huge! When you find yourself losing focus or backing down from what you are wanting to communicate, recognize the pattern. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to return to the conversation. You may need to take a step back, collect yourself and revisit this at another time.
2. Ask yourself, “What is best for me?” Take a moment or two to get clear on what you want to have, do or say. This is about you, try to keep the focus internal rather than how anyone else will feel.
It can be very helpful to start small and practice on the little things. “I am not going to drive my kids for take out at midnight. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation. I am not going because I am in bed. They will be angry but we will all survive.”
3. Remind yourself, “other peoples feelings are not my responsibility”. While there is no shame in being accommodating or sensitive, you have the inner authority to decide when and where that is appropriate. Decide what is important to you in this moment. Don’t allow yourself to lose focus or back down from what is best for you. Other people will figure it out or they will find someone new who is willing to manage their feelings for them. It not your job.
Stand firm in the knowledge that you have not made your decision to be spiteful or difficult. It’s not your job to make other people feel comfortable through your appearance, words, actions or lifestyle. You do you!
Resources
www.mindbodygreen.com
8 Energy Clearing Techniques to Help You Set Healthy Boundaries
Favorite Tip: Energy Field Meditation
Sit still for a moment. Right now. How far do you feel your energy field has extended? Imagine there’s a circle of your energy around you, with a diameter about five feet wide. Ask the diameter to come in to four feet. Then three feet. Two feet. One foot. Your skin. Pull all your energy into your core. Do you feel safer? More charged up? More in your own skin? I sure do.
www.thebachbook.com
13 Insanely Powerful Ways to Protect Your Energy
Favorite Tip: Intention!
I often put on a hat with the intention that it shall protect me from other people’s energy and thought forms, and so it does! Remember: your mind is your magic wand.